Guest post: How to see your spouse with new eyes

Sep 9, 2016 | closeness; intimacy, enduring love, guest post, love, Marriage, Marriage Revolution, methods, practical, relationships, staying in love

Remember the ’99 Julia Roberts flick, Runaway Bride?

Roberts’ character has a bad reputation for landing at the altar and, well, taking off. (Spoiler alert, here–) Turns out she’s been a chameleon of sorts, being “supportive” to the point of wholly adopting her not-so-future mate’s preferences, hobbies, and lifestyle: She likes her eggs the same way. She dons a large (fake) tattoo. She prepares to climb Everest for one of her (not-gonna-happen) honeymoons.

The fiancés are left clueless and bewildered as she turns from each of them, minutes from matrimony. I adored her! And yet, apparently none understood how little they’d actually sought out her soul, or cherished her uniqueness apart from what she contributed to their own interests.

At one point, the movie finds Richard Gere’s character, a reporter getting the scoop on her follies, tinkering at a piano with his ex-wife.

“Is that what happened?” he asks her. “Did I just…not see you?”

“No,” she responds quietly. “No, you didn’t.”

It’s easy enough, I think. To not really see this person we’re married to.

Today, I’m posting again at Marriage Revolution, this time on How to See Your Spouse with New Eyes. Hop on over and check it out!

I’d love to hear your ideas in the comment section on this, especially from you long-time married couples!

Janel Breitenstein

Janel Breitenstein

Author | Speaker

I’m totally #thatmom–the one diving into all the weirdness with my kids, sidestepping a few eyerolls. Pull up a chair for practical ideas and discussions on the parenting, relationships, and spirituality we’re all army-crawling through every day.

I’m a speaker, freelance writer, and author of Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids’ Hearts (Harvest House, 2021); Deliver Us from Meltdowns: And Other Real-World Prayers for Parents (Andrews McMeel, September 2025); How to Stop Yelling Up the Stairs: Keeping Your Cool While Raising Your Kids(Kregel, April 2026), and Emotionally Strong(ish) Parenting: 7 Shifts for a Resilient and Jesus-Centered Home (NavPress, September 2026).

My work can be found on Christianity Today, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife. After five and a half years in Uganda, my family and I returned to the U.S., where we continue to work on behalf of the poor.