It was in a passing conversation, see. Finally all the dots were connected, and I knew. I realized what her pet sin was. It was probably one she didn’t even see as I saw, considering just how conniving and blinding these tend to be.
But what’s telling is this: For at least 24 hours, I did not feel compassion for her. I didn’t pray for her. I didn’t use it to understand her more. I didn’t use it to examine my life for my own corrosive habits.
Instead, I used her weakness to subtly slot myself above her. I mentally shook my head: That’s too bad. I considered how it affected her closest relationships, and how good it was I didn’t have the same problem. I considered how I would manipulate navigate our relationship so I didn’t fall prey, and maybe would have a chance to help her see the error of her ways.
God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.
I think back to a night in Uganda around 3 AM, when I was so infuriated, grieved, and traumatized I could have spit nails. I’d witnessed a fatal accident, and the police spent hours trying to bribe me. A man’s death had been their opportunity for gain.
Opportunists through someone’s demise. How could they?
If you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth—you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself?
Romans 2:19-21
Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.
John 8:7
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