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finding God's will
Our family in Uganda at the time we were considering adoption.

For a year during our family’s time in Uganda, we committed to proceed through each door of adoption until God made it clear we should stop.

 

We wanted to live a God-sized life: One only explainable by him, that left us considering but not trusting not in what we could handle, but his dreams for us.

 

As we prayed, fasted, and discussed it late into the night with each other or a small entourage of wise friends and family…it was indefinitely put on hold.

 

I write that realizing we may seem inconsistent, impetuous, or emotionally impulsive about a sacrifice many of you have welcomed with open arms.

When Seeking God’s Will…Finds a “No”

For us, the cost didn’t seem too great—just unwise with the lack of resources at hand. There’s a sizeable gap between the woman I wish I was and the woman I am. But in light of the slender margin that was our lifestyle, our ministry, and our current load of raising children—whether learning disorders, the quality of time we want to cherish with our kids, our desire to be fully present in parenting—the stakes were high.

 

So was the cost if we took on more than we could handle, even in God’s name. And an opportunity, no matter how pressing, does not always equal my calling.

Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord; his appearing is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us like the showers, like the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:3

 

Thankfully, God wants me to follow his will far more than I do. And he fully knows not only the next step, but the entire process to get me there. He’s not standing with arms crossed, hoping I”ll read the tea leaves about what he’s nudging me to do.

Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of … I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God. Mother Teresa, to an ethicist seeking God’s will

 

Does this sound like I’m trying to justify something? I hope not. The mourning over that increasingly clear decision was real and deep. Packing away small, brightly-colored clothes or bathing a local child’s back found me stricken, vision tear-clouded.

 

But even in my grief, confusion, even anger, I felt assured that this decision was best. Looking at Jesus, suffering didn’t seem to be a reliable test about whether something was or wasn’t God’s will.

 

I realized my desire to adopt reflected, in part, my longing to pour myself out for change in Uganda: for the effort to consume my home, to impact my children. God did so much to bring us from America to Africa, and the need was everywhere. I didn’t want to lock my gate and leave ourselves relatively untouched. To offer at least one small solution that would last a lifetime.

 

Thankfully, we hadn’t yet been matched with a little girl, nor had we invested much financially yet. We ran the risk of losing face or causing disappointment in so many who’d been cheering us on.

 

But God reminded me I must answer to only one Judge. And doing the right thing is always a good idea.

 

Seeking God’s Will—When It’s Not Clear

If you’re like me, you may not experience the Holy Spirit in a writing-on-the-wall sort of way. Instead, I like what Francis Chan has called “prinking” = prayer + thinking.

 

And God’s clear there’s wisdom in vulnerably sharing with a lot of wise people around you (Proverbs 14:11).

 

So pick and choose questions applicable to your situation, perhaps that jumpstart your heart and mind in new directions.

 

Your goal isn’t to check off every question, but ultimately, to seek God’s face and heart.

 

Questions about Emotions and Desire

 

  1. What do I want? (This is critical; being honest about what we want—even when our interests are divided, helps us state our desires honestly rather than subtly manipulating “God’s will” or what we “should do.” It also helps us identify which of our desires could be God-created—or driven by sinful appetites. Check out Galatians 5:16.)

 

  1. What brings me pleasure in a way that reflects God?
  2. On a number of levels, what am I afraid of if I do this, or don’t do it?

 

  1. What are all of the emotions I’m feeling about this? Which do I feel the most and the least?

 

  1. What do I feel like I “should” do? Why do I feel obligated? Is this a godly obligation, or does it reflect pressure, shame, or fear? (These aren’t mutually exclusive.) What might I be presuming about God’s will?

 

  1. In my options, what am I passionate or excited about?

 

  1. Am I seeking to escape anything? What do I sense is God’s posture toward what I want to escape?

 

  1. Am I operating out of peace, anxiety, or both? How do I sense God responding to my anxiety?

 

  1. How are desires for comfort, power, approval, or security influencing me? (Check out David Powlison’s X-ray questions for further insights into what idols of the heart might be shaping our perceptions.)

 

Questions about Steps I’ve Taken

 

  1. Am I seeking the advice of people who are wise, knowledgeable about God’s Word, walking with the Holy Spirit, and will be honest with me?

 

  1. What Scriptures most directly address the decision I’m making?

 

  1. What does my spouse think (if I’m married)? How will this affect my role to him or her, both generally, and in the best and worst days?

 

  1. What do my children think? How will this affect them?

 

  1. Who opposes this decision, and why (even beneath reasons given)? Are they people I have seen walking with God? Are there circumstances these people don’t see, or values they do not share? Because God is my true judge, how do I think he might respond? (What do I think the redeemed version of these people would think?)

 

  1. Have I prayed for wisdom about this decision, and do I believe God will be faithful to give it to me (James 1:5-6)? How do I sense God responding? What do I sense wisdom looks like in this situation?

 

  1. Do I need to fast about this? Who might fast with me?

 

  1. Am I seeking God even more than his will?

 

  1. Have I spent time in solitude, silence, and extended prayer?

 

  1. Am I waiting on the Lord, or possibly birthing an “Ishmael” in my impatience?

 

  1. What alternatives or creative decisions (thinking out of the box) have I not considered?

 

  1. How have I been praying about this? Who would pray with me?

 

  1. Are there other ways to see this situation rather than the way I’m looking at it?

 

  1. God says His wisdom is pure, then peace-making, gentle, open to reason (do you feel ready to listen?), full of mercy and good fruits, not showing favoritism, and sincere (James 3:17). How does the decision I’m leaning toward meet each of these requirements?

Questions about Vision

  1. What could it look like to make this decision out of faith? Am I walking in faith, or only “by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7)?

 

  1. What are possible future outcomes I might not anticipate?

 

  1. How will this affect the concentric circles of people involved?

 

  1. The Bible is full of verses about planning toward success and difficulty (Proverbs 6:6-11, 31:16,18, 21; Luke 14:28; James 1:5-6). Do I truly have the resources (time, energy, support, finances, training) to do this well? (If I feel God’s calling to be a concert pianist but have had no lessons, what’s my plan?) If not, what creative solutions and resources are available to me? Will I have enough remaining margin to flex with unanticipated circumstances and others’ needs?

 

  1. What needs does this decision fill? Who will be most disadvantaged if I do or don’t do this?

 

  1. What circumstances make this decision easier or more obvious?

 

  1. What circumstances make this difficult or more confusing?

 

  1. How will this affect the version of Jesus my family sees? How will this affect the peace, harmony, and joy of our family environment?

 

  1. In what ways might what I plan to do cause harm rather than good?

 

  1. What do I stand to gain? (Be honest about this, too. Do you desire someone’s approval, or a change in status, or financial gain?) What do I stand to lose?

 

  1. Whose honor am I seeking?

 

  1. What would generosity look like?

 

  1. What would courage look like?

 

  1. Scripture talks a great deal about what “seeds” we sow—especially what we sow joyfully (2 Corinthians 9:6-15, Galatians 6:9). What am I sowing in each of these choices? What would I be preparing to harvest?

 

  1. What is my vision for each of these options?

 

  1. How does eternity influence my perspective?

 

  1. Looking at my experiences, passions, gifting, abilities, and personality, how has God gifted me with relation to each of these options?

 

  1. Though I may not see a clear indicator from God in either direction, is there one of these choices that simply feels as an act of extravagant worship to God—an “alabaster box” of sorts (Matthew 26:7)?

 

  1. Am I making this choice out of freedom to obey God, and into further freedom in following God—or into further slavery (Romans 8:15, Galatians 1:10)? What could potentially master me in each scenario, if not God?

 

  1. What does it look like to love well?

 

Like this post on seeking God’s will? You might like

Discerning God’s Will: Does Opportunity = Calling?

God’s Will–and the Clarity I Don’t Have

Off-season: When You’re Not Where You Wanted to Be, When You Wanted to Be There: Part II

How Not to Read God’s Mind