What kind of [spiritual] personal training does your child need?

A couple of my kids have recently joined the other two in pursuing some personal fitness goals.

So y’know, that’s cool.

Grant it, their goals all look totally different.

My oldest, prepping for the Marines’ boot camp in just two months. There’s my middle, whom I suspect wants to look good and feel strong. My daughter, who’s doing HIIT. My youngest, who unlike yours truly, loves sports for the sports, so why not do two at a time?

You, too, can impart personal training

When I think about training my kids in spiritual life skills–I think there’s a parallel: We’re a little like personal trainers.

(Not that anyone would want me as a personal trainer? I would, like, encourage them to death. Like an overactive labrador. And my questionable ability to both walk and chew gum at the same time might make them feel suddenly, remarkably competent.)

But think about this. If someone was “sort of ” interested in losing weight, you wouldn’t push too hard. They may not come back to the gym.

Instead of barking at them, you’d try everything from Zumba to coordinating with friends to find a workout they’d stick with.

You’d celebrate every victory in their personal training, and sometimes, in faith, leave a challenging skill for a better time.

But those athletes used to running marathons? They’ll breeze through that training and raise you 20 push-ups. They‘ll eat up your Peloton pace.

Why they call it “personal” training

So we adapt spiritual training in a similar way.

Remember that little warning before a video workout? Something like “Check with your doctor and don’t
do any of these things that would cause you to sue us”?

Here’s mine: Before training your kids in spiritual life skills, examine their personalities and current level of
response to God, their God-given inclinations and curiosities, their motivations and resistance.

Then “get those knees up!” isn’t the only exercise in your repertoire.

My oldest is more autonomous than I ever was (except maybe that time I deliberately peed in the corner to make my mom mad). He’s also more independent than my younger three, who ask me to pray with them or read them a verse before they leave for school and will memorize Scripture for rewards.

To encourage him with the same “personal” training methods would shove him away from me… and God.

Because this isn’t McParenting. We train kids “according to their bent” (Proverbs 22:6). We don’t guide the spiritual couch potato or the spiritual rebel or the spiritual 5K-er the same.

In our daily spiritual activities, we train our kids to see God as the engaging, desirable person he is, to see past the metaphorical potato chips around them to the pricey, daily, organic, five-course meal that satisfies for a lifetime.

What could you consider in your kids’ spiritual personal training?

Their natural motivations and interests.

Any teacher will let you know kids are self-driven to study whatever they have the bug for.

In my limited experience, when kids are naturally engaged, it cuts a teacher’s work in half. If you can pair kids’ natural interest, like art or nature or animals or music, with God so they see him as engaging as he is.

Their personalities.

I like Rick Warren’s SHAPE acronym. 

If you’re all about that, you could even use a large sheet of paper and markers for each child to walk together
through the acronym to help them discover the unique ways God’s sculpted them and their story for his honor. Help kids see in each component a way they’re uniquely designed to worship him.

Their age.

As our kids age, our training methods should change. We move to more of a coaching role on the sidelines, allowing them to play more of the game. You keep them talking, keeping a bridge open that hopefully is enough to also sustain truth.

Before your kids hit about 12, you’ve got an open window you won’t have later. A lot of kids are eager to spend time with you, eager to learn, and so receptive to your faith. They usually haven’t begun to differentiate from you yet.

I think of the scene from the movie Taken when Liam Neeson’s character’s daughter knows she’s about to be kidnapped, and is hiding under the bed, calling her special-forces father. He preps her with critical last-minute instructions before they lose communication.

At the risk of adding a dark edge to a beautiful season of your kids’ lives: Make the most of the stage you’re in.

(Learn more about age and faith stages here, if you’re hungry for more.)

Your relationship with them.

Not all relationships are created equal. If you’re a stepdad or have a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder or are raising a foster child or struggle to relate to a kid who’s different than you, your equity as a spiritual personal trainer is just different than the child who idolizes her mom.

And God still designed you to be there for such a time as this.

But your capacity doesn’t stop there.

Axis cofounder and president David Eaton emailed parents a gem this week.

Proverbs 25:11 goes something like this: “A word fitly spoken, is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”

….Christian Smith, PhD, from Notre Dame states…. “Most scholars believe that parents who combine high expectations of and involvement with their children, along with emotional warmth and good communication, are the most effective at socialization, including transmitting religious belief.”

The secret? High expectations and emotional warmth.

….If conversation doesn’t come easily, find the “setting of silver”. It could be Minecraft, or a YouTube make-up tutorial, or a bundt cake shop.

Where they are in their personal journey with God.

Ever seen the Engel Scale of Evangelism? Here’s one version.

In your understanding, as of today, where are each of your kids in their interest about faith? (Remember, this is only one aspect of your personal faith-training.)

Ask this:

• What’s one step God might want me to do to encourage my kids to the next “level” in their faith?
• Write a prayer–even just one sentence–for each of your kids as you consider their personality and personal path with faith. Take a minute to pray for them right now.

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