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Author’s note: If you missed these previous posts, you might grab them first for other overarching ideas on choosing vulnerability even when it’s hard–and being a safe place for others when they don’t have their act together.

My husband and I were headed out on a date night (can you hear the angel choirs singing? I needed it. As in, bad). It was admittedly last minute, to the point that my curly-turned-cotton-candy hair had been lassoed by a headband and fun-bun. But my kids would have food and it looked positive no one would burn anything down, so the big stuff was covered. Thus I sat in the passenger seat with my makeup bag, aka magic wand. I was just about through patting on concealer when my husband looked over at me.

“You know you don’t have to wear makeup.”

I mentally sputtered a bit. If anything, aren’t date nights what makeup is for?

“Makeup is fun and all, for special occasions. Kind of like a tux. But who wants to wear a tux every day? I mean, if you had bad skin or something, I get that. But you have nice skin.”

And see, this is what makes it hard to argue with my husband: He likes my face. As in, my non-made-up face. And I find that kind of endearing. I zipped up my bag, choosing au naturel. At least for the moment.

I recalled out loud to him something my sister mentioned to me months ago. As we get more and more fake–fake chests, fake eyelashes, fake tans, body shapes that require 5 days a week of workout maintenance–it does become harder to appreciate natural beauty. The stakes become so high, it’s impossible to reach them without fakeness.

I continue to think about why I want to wear makeup–because I do choose it regularly. I’m now increasingly aware of circumstances in which I want to be made-up. 

Relationships with Less Concealer

That’s a roundabout way of approaching the topic of vulnerability. Truthfully, I was convicted by my own words in this post. I said I thirsted

for relationships that love relentlessly and practically—through depression or loss, through seasons where one party might give or pursue more than the other, through meeting each other without makeup in a house with as many Legos on the floor and handprints on the wall as there are dirty dishes on the counter.

I guess I think my relationships can deal with a little less mascara and a little more fingerprints.

So do I really want that?

I hear God setting an ideal of marriage that is naked and unashamed. If community is in concentric circles, with marriage being one of those most intimate circles in the center–isn’t there an element of our relationships that longs to be naked-faced, naked-hearted, just-as-I-am…and finally be unashamed? Finally be accepted as we are?

Bonus: You know as well as I do that people take their cues from others on how vulnerable they can be. Last week in a required presentation in class about himself, my teenaged son–for reasons I will not take the time to explain–whipped a stick of celery out of his back pocket and sang the first few lines of a Led Zeppelin song. In front of the class, people. As a freshman. (At his age, I was not even in the same universe of his easy-going confidence.) Everyone laughed–and was captivated. My husband praised my son for having this kind of willingness to be silly; untucked. Because the untucked version of us lets other people be okay with being the untucked version of themselves.

In light of this, I’ve got eight fairly painless ideas to be a little more vulnerable; a little less made-up.

The Ideas

    1. Forego wearing makeup to meet a friend.

    2. If someone drops by unexpectedly, don’t apologize for the mess or try to eighty-six the dirty dishes before she finds out (gasp!) your family eats.

    3. In conversation, challenge yourself to vulnerability one step beyond what you’re comfortable with. Tell them one thing that you’ve been struggling with, or something you’re proud of, or something you don’t have figured out yet.

    4. Do something silly and slightly undignified in front of friends you normally try to impress.

    5. Wait to dye away your gray hairs for one more week.

    6. Swim with your kids even if you don’t like what you look like in a swimsuit.

    7. Go to coffee in your workout clothes or other casual duds.

    8. When you have company, serve a simple dinner with your everyday tableware. Make the hospitality about connecting rather than dazzling.

YOUR TURN. Got ideas that help keep relationships real? Comment below!

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