25 Parent Fails, Inspired by My Life

Author’s note: This week was one of those where I was pretty consistently busy nearly until bedtime. I would recommend this pace to pretty much no one.

But I continue to have real-life kids, like the one to whom I have been raising my eyebrows about chores three days in a row. Or whichever one left a fingernail clipping on my sofa. And the one I had to apologize to while editing this version of the post below.

So this post from way back in 2015 came to mind. Remembering some of my own parent fails made me laugh out loud. Hopefully, they’ll give you a grin you need today.

Whatever parent fails you face this week, and however eye-rolling or utterly overpowering: God’s grace is big enough. 

Yep. Even for that one.

*** 

As I was noodling on blog post ideas, my son with ADHD was having an epiphany of his own.

His chore was cleaning out under the bed, which I highly advise on a regular basis if your children’s Tazmanian-devil style of activity tends to whirl things into deep crevices beneath furniture, as mine does.

My son, however, recovered a pack of markers. So he thought of what any red-blooded boy would: What if my big toe were colored completely green?

Well, he found out. As did we all.

Parent fail #1: Toe-shaped, grass-green prints all over Grandma’s carpet. And a great reason to only purchase washable markers.

Good grief.

So, in the vein of ushering the Gospel into our lives—where we’re honest about our failures and looking them in the eyes, in light of who God is—I have decided to post for you 25 parent fails, inspired by real life. Mostly mine.

Even as I compiled this list, my husband looked at me.

“Well, isn’t God bigger than all our failures? I mean, not like that makes them not failures, or not bad.”

But a strange peace blankets me in my parent fails, knowing that my kids’ ultimate safety and well-being doesn’t stop with me. If this hits a sore spot, check out Grief as a Parent: What to Expect When You Didn’t Expect It.

As Andree Seu so aptly writes, “I started out wanting to be my children’s savior, and ended up pleading for forgiveness.”

That said: a completely uncomprehensive list of it’s-okay-parent-fails.

The Other 24 Parent Fails

2. Your kid poops in the closet, then blames it on the dog.
3. Your kid hops out of the shower, then hops on his bike outside without stopping to access clothing.
4. You make an entire week of burned, over-spiced, disgusting, Alpo-like, and/or mediocre dinners.
5. Every now and then you let the kids eat a dinner primarily taken from the top level of the food pyramid. You know, the one labeled “FATS, OILS, AND SWEETS: USE SPARINGLY.” See? Parent fails are overrated.
6. Your kid breaks something as old as you in your mother’s house, and tells no one. Oops.
7. Your kid thoughtfully recommends to someone they should stop smoking.
8. Visiting a friend’s home, your kid complains aloud, “This milk tastes spicy!” You chastise them for their stubborn nature. You discover said milk is spoiled. Oops.
9. Your kid repeatedly breaks wind at a family dinner, in a manner that whiffs as if he has been dining on sardines and French fries.
10. Your kid pokes Grandma’s arm-dangle with wide-eyed fascination. True story.
11. You discipline your child with unrequited volume right before the doorbell rings.
12. A friend stops by for an unannounced visit. Your house looks like, as Jerry Seinfeld so aptly puts it, you have a blender, but not the lid. Said friend skewers foot on Lego shrapnel.
13. Your kid melts down in the middle of the grocery store. Then you do, too.
14. Your kid flushes all of the Tupperware lids down the toilet. Daddy has to dig up the septic system. (That kid was actually me.)
15. Your kid wears pants that show his ankles.
16. Your daughter holds her dress up during the entire Christmas performance.
17. Your kid sneezes on someone’s food.
18. Your kid licks the top of the Parmesan cheese at Pizza Hut.
19. Your son’s stick figure illustration of you has hands on (delightfully slender) stick-hips, because, “Well, you’re angry a lot.”
20. Your kid picks his nose, then shakes someone’s hand with gusto.
21. Your kid hides behind your skirt during an entire wedding reception.
22. You forget her lunch for school. Again.
23. You kill Captain Nemo, the class goldfish, on his weekend home.
24. Your homeschooled child replies that the ancient Greek poet who authored the Iliad and the Odyssey is named, of course (“it’s on the tip of my tongue!”) Alvin Poover. (Alvin who?) This is in the same week he replies that a five-sided polygon is called–wait for it–a hoxagon.
25. You find your son urinating in someone else’s bushes, or in full view of your pleasant suburban street.

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

C’mon. I know I’m not alone. What’s one of your favorite all-time parent fails?

Comment below.

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