For some of you–Valentine’s Day is not a fluffy pink cloud, studded with chocolates. For some of you, Valentine’s Day is hard.
We stayed married another day. Three cheers.
THE AWKWARD MOM
because uncomfortable conversations are the ones worth having
Tag: FamilyLife.com (page 1 of 2)
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When my four kids were little and life resembled a 24-hour Bounty commercial, I read a statistic in Parents magazine that something like 78% of new moms, when choosing between sex and sleep, chose sleep.
Um. Duh.
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This week I had one of those shining parenting moments. I caught one of my kids deliberately subverting a punishment.
This kid didn’t lie about what he was doing, which in light of the past, felt like a win. He also seemed to sincerely apologize. I told him I would think about the consequence and get back to him, and we’d talk some more.
And two hours later, he did the same thing, people. #parentingforthewin
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Question: Where did you get your mental/emotional/spiritual/social blueprints on how to build a Christian home?
A friend of mine is a first-generation Christian. Aside from a few moments in college, a week of VBS was about the extent of Christian education–there were stickers and crafts, she remembers.
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Confession: In the past, I have personally known Lent is almost here when fast-food signs start advertising fish sandwiches. So maybe your kids ask, “Hey, what’s Lent?” around Ash Wednesday (PSA: today is the start of Lent!). But if it isn’t something your family typically observes, you might be scrambling for answers that don’t include “Filet-O-Fish.”
So allow me a brief rundown of lent for kids, in language they (/we) can understand—and some tips to help it sink in.
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Minor confession: In the midst of putting out our family’s prayer letter last week…I declined a call.
My husband walked into the kitchen, and I had this look like your dog would when it pees on the carpet.
I explained my sheepishness. “Why do you feel guilty about that?” he asked, direct as ever.
“I want to be the kind of person who will drop everything and be present with whoever needs it,” I shrugged.
His eyes had this kind look around the edges. “You know you can only be present by shutting other stuff out, right? You’re present with our financial supporters [my husband and I are supported missionaries with Engineering Ministries International] right now. When you’re present with someone else, you’re shutting out other things you could be paying attention to.”
I literally thought about the post I wrote about being distracted with others–and how to be fully, powerfully present. We all know what it’s like to compete with headphones or a smartphone.
So often in my attempts to be everywhere, to be everything to everyone, I’m not “all there” with anyone.
).
The Psalmist prays, Unite my heart to fear your name (Psalm 86:11). I wonder if I was on God’s mind when he penned this one…because at Christmas, my heart can be going in about 167,856 directions at once.
Minor confession: In the midst of putting out our family’s prayer letter last week…I declined a call.
My husband walked into the kitchen, and I had this look like your dog would when it pees on the carpet.
I explained my sheepishness. “Why do you feel guilty about that?” he asked, direct as ever.
“I want to be the kind of person who will drop everything and be present with whoever needs it,” I shrugged.
His eyes had this kind look around the edges. “You know you can only be present by shutting other stuff out, right? You’re present with our financial supporters [my husband and I are supported missionaries with Engineering Ministries International] right now. When you’re present with someone else, you’re shutting out other things you could be paying attention to.”
I literally thought about the post I wrote about being distracted with others–and how to be fully, powerfully present. We all know what it’s like to compete with headphones or a smartphone.
So often in my attempts to be everywhere, to be everything to everyone, I’m not “all there” with anyone.
Being present is about being there…by not being somewhere else.
So to be present, it’s fair to say there are boundaries involved. When it comes to Christmas, being present with God is sucked away by schedules and material stuff and worry: the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful (Mark 4:19
).
The Psalmist prays, Unite my heart to fear your name (Psalm 86:11). I wonder if I was on God’s mind when he penned this one…because at Christmas, my heart can be going in about 167,856 directions at once.
I’m just not all there with him.
So I’m pulling ideas together to help me/you hone in on being “all there” this Christmas, starting with our audience of One.
Don’t do something.
To an already-packed schedule, Christmas can feel a bit like “more bricks, less straw.”
If your goal is being present in the ways that matter, cut out a few of the “have-to’s” that aren’t.
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Heartrending news landed in the New York Post this week: Divorce rates spiked 34% between March and June this year.
According to the article, 31% admitted quarantine caused “irreparable damage” to their relationships.
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I heard a few months ago Google was experiencing a surge in the terms “beach vacation”. (This was three or so months into the Year that Will Live in Infamy for its Terribleness.) I still have one friend living on the same tank of gas when her state locked down (five months to the tank = problem). So if your phone has been providing a bit of an imaginary getaway lately: I get it. But maybe you’re worrying, “Am I addicted to my phone?”
Even simple excessive screen time reshapes the brain’s structure and function. It inhibits our emotional processes, executive attention, decision making, and cognitive control.[i]
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I know I wasn’t the only mom whose gut sunk like a stone when I heard of the death (“passing” seems a misnomer) of George Floyd. Just weeks after our family discussion about Ahmaud Arbery, we sat down in lieu of online church to talk again about racial discrimination.
Truth: Sometimes I wish I didn’t tell you I’d help with “uncomfortable conversations…worth having.”
But here’s another truth: Those of you readers of color probably didn’t have an option for this uncomfortable conversation with your kids.
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In my house, we’ve got a lot of big feels. (My husband has dubbed our house’s pet sin “self-control”.)
So we work a lot with managing emotion–so emotion doesn’t manage the whole house, m’kay?
Pull up a chair for practical ideas and discussions on the parenting, relationships, and spirituality we're all army-crawling through every day.
After five and a half years in Uganda, my family and I returned to the U.S., where I write and speak professionally, and we continue to work on behalf of the poor.
My first solo book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids' Hearts (Harvest House), released October 2021.
#instagoodness
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