Ideas for When Quiet Time With God is Hard

So it’s summer, which means family rhythms tend to find their way down the Slip ‘n’ Slide,* right? Between hauling my kids to VBS and a new puppy who’s, like, 72% adorable and 28% pain in the neck (as so many puppies and toddlers are, by God’s design), some of my morning quiet times have done what frozen things do in summer.

But the thing is, when it doesn’t happen I really miss it. And I feel my need for it as I haul my day up by the bootstraps.

Recently, I was remembered how it didn’t always feel that way. Sometimes I just felt like I had failed at something else–especially when little kids were wrapped around my knees and my to-do list was significantly longer than my patience.

So I’m scribbling down some ideas that moved my quiet time from checking the box to more of a date night vibe.

Mentally wire quiet time with happy things.

Maybe you’ve heard the neuropsych adage that neurons that fire together, wire together.

It’s why you could smell cinnamon and associate it with the warm feelings of your grandma’s house, or see a hairstyle that transports you back to the feelings of high school.

So it begs the question: What does your brain associate with time with God?

Does your body remember slugging it out to stay engaged and pay attention and get a study done? Do you think of your time with God and remember calmness, like an embrace?

God made us people attached to bodies. (The opposite of this is the ancient heresy of Gnosticism.)

He created seven feasts for the Old Testament Hebrews, occurring in the same seasons every year, like Christmas or Easter do for us. Read: He connected himself with sensory pleasures.

Maybe the Israelites knew Hadassah made the best matzoh, or Great-Aunt Hephzibah made the best lamb broth, or that the air was filled with chaff after harvest.

Heck, Jesus’ big debut was making wine from water for the celebration of a wedding; wine brings in all five senses. The Bible ends with His own wedding. God’s the pinnacle of our joy, of our feasts and revelry. And I think He uses our senses to cement our minds to what we can’t see.

I needed to rewire my time with God to help my brain associate God with the delight He is–not drudgery or (always) discipline.

For me, this started with fixing myself a latte and slathering on lavender lotion during my quiet time–things I didn’t have time for otherwise.

I also needed to get in touch with my energy levels throughout the day. I’d been going for quiet time after the kids were in bed, but my husband could see I needed to Not Do after the kid-finish-line. I.e., after the 26 drinks of water, elimination of scary shadows, and post-bedtime sibling squabbles.

I needed to remind myself God was a get-to rather than a have-to.

Rethink your quiet time ideas and goals.

A friend told me years ago that rather than a time amount or doing certain activity (time in the Word! Prayer request list!), he simply decided to have time with God until he felt like he’d heard what God wanted to say to him. #mindblown

Would I say that’s the primary goal of quiet time now? Maybe I’d refine my friend’s concept to just being with God, being present with him. Like I might with my husband on a date night. (To be clear, it’s entirely possible for me to “hear” what my husband says, but miss his heart or boil it down to a to-do–lacking the relationship.)

Using a concept from author Skye Jethani, I want to be with God, not just for God.

See, my quiet time can get kind of American in its mindset.

I may be trying to achieve very good goals, like reading through the Bible in a year or completing that day’s Bible study. Again, that’s very worshipful for many people.

But just like knowing my husband, I’ve had to remind myself God isn’t…a goal to be achieved. Personally, my goals can get in the way of knowing God and spending time with him. To opening myself to him.

Like I might know my husband’s favorite kind of pie and his Starbucks order and his favorite shoe store, but not knowing what makes his shoulders lift or sag when he comes in the door from work.

Sometimes quiet time for me looks like going on a walk with God, or listening to some worship music, or playing the piano, or sitting with my eyes closed. Sometimes I’m journaling or walking through lectio divina. I may need a thoughtful nonfiction book to help my brain transition and regain focus from the mess of the day. I also use fineline pens and a journal to create Scripture art for myself, chewing on a verse.

Know the ways you most naturally worship.

I’m fascinated by some of the main pathways Gary Thomas has identified for each of us to best connect with God–sort of like our own worship personality. Think of it like a love language. (Among my kids, I’ve got at least one activist, and one caregiver.)

What’s it looks like to explore your worship personality? Do you love the intellectual engagement of Bible study, or see God best in a good forest bath? Do you love to create music or art, or satisfy your curiosity with an online Greek concordance?

Pay attention to your soul’s reality.

In this post awhile back, I told you about times when I’d get up from my quiet time…and later find myself crying or feeling angry, not having even engaged with those emotions in my time with God.

Pastor and author Peter Scazzero takes time to acknowledge where he’s at emotionally before God. Because

When we do not process before God the very feelings that make us human, such as fear or sadness or anger, we leak. Our churches are filled with “leaking” Christians who have not treated their emotions as a discipleship issue. [1]

Rather than attempting to see my emotions as something to look around in my quiet time, instead, I now attempt to bring my whole self into the sanctuary. You could say I’m trying to love God with all of my heart and mind, I guess.

It’s still critical that I preach truth to my soul, too. But like the Psalmists, when tears are my food (Psalm 42:3), that gets facetime with God, too. (Read more at Cry: The Hidden Art of Christian Grieving.)

What about you? What “aha’s” have transformed your quiet time?

I’d love to hear. Join the discussion in the comment section.

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*If you know what a Slip ‘n’ Slide is, you were likely born in the 80’s. Just sayin’.