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Category: Marriage (page 3 of 6)

Shame–and the Words You (& Everyone Else) are Dying to Hear

June 5, 2018 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Shame and Acceptance: What will We Zoom In On?It’s an interesting dynamic for an Americans traveling to Asia or Africa when we first encounter the shame/honor thing in cultures. To my naked eye, it’s sometimes looked like them not telling the truth.

I’m probably going to botch this story–but I think of my sister and her husband in Asia looking for a pair of shoes. The shopkeeper says, Of course we have your size! but comes out repeatedly with pairs too small…and then actually hides. (Yes. Literally.)

But is there an element of truth to graciously covering someone’s weakness? What if they…don’t have what we want?

Freebie Fridays Infographic: How to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman

February 23, 2018 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: < 1 minute

freebie infographic how to be your spouse's wingman

This infographic is based on this full-text post, Ideas to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman. Print it here!

And catch more on the Freebies page! read more

52 Fun, Easy Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse

February 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 2 minutes

  1. Text something sweet, sexy, thankful, or playful: Thanks for all you do to get us all out the door in the morning. You still take my breath away.
  2. Check your spouse’s calendar, and then kidnap her from work for a quick lunch or an afternoon romantic matinee.
  3. Bring his favorite coffee shop treat home.
  4. Leave a steamy voicemail.
  5. Load the dishwasher for her. (Trust me. It works.)
  6. Invite him to take a shower with you.
  7. Get a little “handsy” in the kitchen.
  8. Lay your head on his chest or tuck beneath his arm while you watch your Netflix fave.
  9. Compliment her in front of a friend.
  10. Pick up her favorite snack at the grocery store.
  11. Grab her hand while riding in the car.
  12. Encourage him about something he did well at work.
  13. Wrestle.
  14. Borrow the kids’ Nerf weapons.
  15. Encourage your kids to thank her for something she’s done for them.
  16. Write him a love note.
  17. Make her a homemade card.
  18. Give him a massage.
  19. Write her a sappy (or funny) poem.
  20. Read her a love poem. (Ideas here.)
  21. Rub her feet.
  22. Make him a compilation CD of songs that express your heart and relationship.
  23. Give her a scalp massage.
  24. Take a bath together.
  25. Buy her flowers.
  26. Kiss at every stoplight.
  27. Ask to hold her hand.
  28. Play with your kids together.
  29. Light candles.
  30. Wear perfume and pretty underthings.
  31. Speak her love language (free “cheat sheet” here).
  32. Clean up your bedroom.
  33. Take care of that one thing that’s been weighing on him.
  34. Make up a goofy song about her on the fly.
  35. Overlook something he did that was stupid.
  36. Call her to tell her something about your day.
  37. Advocate for her.
  38. Plan a date in.
  39. Remember one of your favorite lovemaking memories, and whisper it in his ear.
  40. Go on a walk.
  41. Paint her toenails.
  42. Thank him for something unexpected.
  43. Listen to her. Ask good questions. (Ideas here.)
  44. Initiate fun sex.
  45. Tell her about a memory you love from when you were dating.
  46. Pick up a bag of her favorite candy.
  47. Play a little jazz while you cook together. Grab her hand and dance for a moment.
  48. Develop a code for talking when the kids are in the room about possible lovemaking.
  49. Come to bed naked.
  50. Go stargazing.
  51. Pick up a small gift that will delight and surprise.
  52. Pray together.

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering.

The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable. read more

Christian, Married–and Attracted Elsewhere

December 12, 2017 / / 12 Comments
Reading Time: 7 minutes

Married but constantly thinking about someone elseHey.

Thanks for being open with me.

Over your latte, I saw the concern in your eyes. I know this isn’t who you want to be; that you’re afraid of your own heart. I know you’re married, but constantly thinking about someone else. But I know longing runs deep. read more

Shame–and Your Marriage: On the Fear that Keeps Us Hiding (and Clawing Your Way Out)

August 24, 2017 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 6 minutes

shame in your marriage The power of shame continues to make my mind fizz. (Yours might, too: This post on shame in parenting has drawn more readers than any other post on this site, bar none.)

But now all those thoughts are bubbling over what shame might look like in a marriage; in our most intimate concentric circle of community. See, I know shame—this idea that I’m not worthy of connecting with someone—immediately leads me to cover up.

Take the typical fight with a spouse. First reaction is not typically, You’re so right. I’m snippy, and I have a profound case of PMS. It’s more along the lines of blame-shifting (Well, if you’d stop overreacting like some kind of hypersensitive Pomeranian). Denying (I didn’t say you were arrogant! I said you were cocky). Hiding (If I don’t say anything, it will look a lot like peace and taking the higher road). read more

Guest post: Where’s the Holy Spirit When My Marriage is Hard?

August 17, 2017 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 3 minutes

It was late, and she was crying now. Her marriage had been hard–hard for a long time.

I think it was there that I really saw Him, though He’d been there the whole time. Sometimes the Holy Spirit is a little like an I Spy book to me. Knowing what He looks like, I’m learning to spot Him among the clutter of circumstances, ones He’s meticulously arranged.

I want to tell you what He looked like, there in that dimly-lit room, where she was just so tired of waiting for God to change things. Even there, in her road-weary face that longed for a break in being “tough” and “strong”–I saw Him making beautiful things out of dust, as the song goes. read more

On God and the Dreams of Women

July 27, 2017 / / 6 Comments
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Author’s note: I write this post to you with a sliver of trepidation and a big slice of humility, because it’s heavily nuanced and divided (even among Christians). And essentially, I loathe conflict. I’d rather write on topics no one disagrees with and that I only felt sheer confidence. Consider me just getting a conversation started. 

The Dark Question

I feel God was actually somewhat clear about our decision to leave Africa. But I need to confess: Some part of me felt raw, then calloused–specifically connected to my femininity.

My heart was still squarely in Uganda, living out its technicolor dream. But collectively as a family, it was necessary for us to move back. And after all the years of setting dreams aside for the dream that is loving a family, I wondered why I seemed to hold in my hand the short straw.

The Stressed Version of Your Marriage

April 28, 2017 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Missed Part I, Questions to Understand THE STRESSED VERSION OF YOURSELF? Grab it here.

One of the unexpected delights of our final couple of months in Africa was the arrival of a college friend who’s known my husband and I since the beginning. She watched us meet, cautiously date, giddily become engaged. She played the piano when the two of us spring chickens said “I do” forever. Later, I stood with her as she spoke her own vows beneath a spreading tree. And when she visited us in Africa and we stayed up entirely too late, she gave us this gift: I told my husband, “I love that she reminds us how good we are together. That you and I together are a really good thing.”

I wrote before that this time of leaving Africa, of setting a foot on two highly divergent continents, has delivered unavoidable stress to our relationship. Both of us are strained, so it makes sense that our most intimate relationships would bear that weight. So it was kind of God to remind us that despite the ways we occasionally feel like the losers in a three-legged-race right now—“us” is still a really good thing.

Part I of this post outlined some essential reasons we need to identify when we’re stressed. If you’re convinced, let’s get down to it. What are the signs your marriage is under stress?

What’s Hidden inside Your Love Story?

March 28, 2017 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story.

–Sweet Land (PG, 2005)

I tease my husband (the poor introvert!). Because whenever I write about him—he, who washes his hands of anything to do with internet attention—readers eat. It. Up.What's Hidden in Your Love Story read more

Ideas to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman

March 10, 2017 / / 0 Comments
Reading Time: 4 minutes

If you’re thinking of Goose and Mav, you’re getting my idea. How can we be our spouse’s “intimate ally”*? Get this: The word God used to describe Eve in the Bible (ezer) translated as helper—is most often used in the Bible as either as a term for a military ally…or for God Himself, helping us. Here are a few practical ideas—for husbands and wives–to act as your mate’s shield, advocate, and protector. (Like this? Be sure to check out 50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife and 50 Ways to Inspire Your Husband.)

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